i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
