just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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