I hope mine doesn't look like that
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
