You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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