He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
