Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
