I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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