Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
