did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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