now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
