I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
