I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
