all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
