some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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