Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
