need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
