Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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