There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
