I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
