Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
