I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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