When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
