I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
