so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
