Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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