Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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