I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
