God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
