Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
