Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
