I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
