): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
