Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
