We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
