i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
