I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
