She kept screaming "best case scenario"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
