Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
