Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
