literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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