Yo dont text me then not text me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
