uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you win again, gameday.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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