So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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