Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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