how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
