Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
