I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
