U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm like, not good at living.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
