how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
