We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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