Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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